Here I am again, making an effort to put words to a page. I have not been far away, but my words have been locked in a place I could not reach. I am just now reaching that place, a slow journey filled with many bumps both large and small along the way. Though it has been a trying time one cannot doubt that such times can make one grow and change. You have only to find your way back to the path you once traveled and you will arrive there with a deeper understanding of things you have discovered along the way.
I am toying with the idea of a new space, something I have done many times before, one that may reflect more of my current self and one that may once again feel safe. Safe is good, something that allows me to express my deepest thoughts without hesitation. Of course it would be better I suppose to be able to express myself without hesitation regardless of how safe a space I may create. So here I am, at least for now.
We are having a burst cool weather today, a beautiful north wind filling the house, a welcome respite from the heat of the last few weeks. I love this weather. It is as if the air is like the kiss of a prince in a fairy tale. I come alive again, awakened to my thoughts and all the energy around me. We all have our seasons I am sure and Autumn has been mine as far back as I can remember. While out walking today I saw a tree with the first leaves all orange and bright, a beautiful sight, though maybe not for all of us, a whisper of the seasons change not far off.
There is a place of peace sometimes unexpected, for me a windy day or night, when just the sound of the breeze as the curtains move carries me away to where I need to be. The four elements, earth, air, fire and water, speak to each of us differently and at different times. For me water has been a constant companion, pulling me towards it at all times. That has always been a curiosity to me as in my chart you will find little if any water. Now I find air is my companion. The wind turns my thoughts to a deeper place and makes me listen. It is not that the other elements do not walk with me, but air seems to have found a way to reach me and bring me back to where I need to be. Today it has brought me here and I am amazed to be once again putting something, anything to the page.
My thoughts have been a bit sparse here but they will gather and grow over time. To me this is a celebration, as I am once again starting my way down a path that called me on a day much like today, six years ago.
Today I decided it was a good day to tackle the outside lights.
Why lights mean so much to me I cannot explain but they do.
It is a feeling I get from them, One of lovely memories,
one of sheer enchantment. I no longer have children who
will do them for me, a treat I had as they entered their teen years,
so Outside I went, ladder, lights and dog in tow.
The dog is almost a year old, filled with wily ways and energy.
The day was chilly but the skies blue and
the wind was almost absent. There was also no snow to wade through, though at
this point I would actually like some. I say that with great ease,
forgetting last year I was shoveling in efforts to open the
The window boxes were easy, mounded with sheet lights pulled out
of boxes, still intact. Topped with oversized ornaments I’d purchased some
years ago, they came out looking quite lovely. The old string lights, still
going strong, never made it to the gutters. Perhaps tomorrow.
During this time, the dog ran away four times, stole two large loaves of bread
put out by neighbors for the birds and caused any chaos possible. She is wound
up just like a small child by all the things so new this time of year. A tree
in the house is a great fascination and large colored lights I found, look like
treats to her.
I love this season. It holds strong energy for me. It is not the dinners or gifts,
but the quiet whispers, a stillness in the night when the sky is filled with stars.
While others are busy running here and there,
I find it a good time to listen for the voice of those who try to
speak to me. Listening has been difficult this year, my time to myself greatly limited. It has
often been infused with emotions which interfere with my ability to reach deep within
myself, a space I have much missed and one I hope to revisit more often.
Many times I have found myself at this keyboard, trying to express the words I feel but
they remain inside growing ever stronger in their quest to find a way out. For now I will
look and listen while enjoying the lights from my window.
Forgive my sporadic blogging. It is not for lack of thoughts but lack of alone time when I can gather them together in an organized fashion. Often they come to me as I am drifting between the waking and sleeping hours.
This is our newest addition, Clover. She is pictured below next to my son’s hands to give some idea how small she really is. It is a bad picture, taken from my equally bad quality phone. Also keep in mind my son is very tall with massive hands. The second shot is on my lap using the webcam. She is twelve weeks old and has been with us one week. During that week I feel as if I have returned to new baby days. I am not quite sure how I feel about it but my life is definitely shaken no longer stirred. There is never a dull moment when she is awake. Evenings have transformed into a blast from the past as her behavior deteriorates, matching the worst overtired child, until she flips a switch and can no longer keep her eyes open.
Tonight I am about to get some much needed sleep as my night shift hours are not doing well with a day shift dog. I have made some time to enjoy the stars as with the dark of the moon they are especially beautiful. While my soul sings with words the past few days, my physical self must catch up so I can weave those words into something memorable. Until that time I hope to find some sleep and perhaps some dreams as well.