I’ve had this song stuck in my head for two days, so I thought I would share it.
A Christmas candle is a lovely thing;
It makes no noise at all,
But softly gives itself away.
~Eva Logue
Morning is here and the deck is covered in snow, at least six inches. The snow has just started again, falling in big picturesque flakes and we are expecting about ten inches today and another eight tomorrow. Needless to say I am glad to be stationed safely at home, not having to travel. We have not had this much snow over the holidays as long as I can remember. Apparently this is to rival the Halloween storm of 1991, a memorable storm indeed. The snow is beautiful and the trees are draped in white. My son is planning live video of the snow and if I am able to upload it here, I will.
Last evening I did make it outside to put some white twinkle lights on the front porch. The lights for the deck are still sitting out but given the snow fall, I do not know if they will go up or not. Perhaps if my son assists, but there is food to be made and some picking up to be done. Should we be trapped inside, we have enough food for an army so no one will suffer. This year I wish I had purchased snow shoes. I have wanted some for years and now here we are with all this snow, and I could use them. It would be fun to go to the park and snow shoe around the trails. I have bread saved away for the wildlife but I cannot put it out while the snow is still coming down.
The day will be busy again and I must go now and get things started before my brother arrives. I wish all of you a lovely holiday.
Tonight is one of those rare quiet moments, especially in the midst of the holiday season. Again I have simplified this year and I am enjoying it more than I can say. The food is purchased, the trees up and the rugs steamed.
The real tree arrived the same day I ordered it and it is beautiful, my holiday gift to myself. If you had asked me about it yesterday morning I doubt I would have given the same response and in fact might have thrown it off the deck. It was folly, coming home after the night shift thinking I could get the tree up before going to bed. The stand I purchased on the way home was way too small, so that was out. I went downstairs and got the stand from the artificial tree. After getting the eight bolts loose, bolts that felt as if they were tightened by Hercules, I took out the pole from the artificial tree, emptied the decorative stones my daughter used to anchor it and discovered a big crack in the bottom. I put the tree out on the deck and went to bed. Later in the day I purchased a new tree stand and all was well going forward. Tonight it has lights and beads on it. The ornaments are still in the box but it looks wonderful just as is.
Outside the skies have the light sort of dark, and there is a gentle hush as the snow begins to fall, a great deal of snow. There is something in the air tonight, as there was last night, something I cannot explain. Maybe it is the tree, I do not know, but it feels like I should take notice. Perhaps it is the familiar visits we seem to get around holidays. We shall see. For now I am going to relish this moment on a quiet winters night.
Change is hard, really hard but it seems things are finally different this holiday season. Yule has begun and I am enjoying this season more than ever. Apparently I had to groan and moan about it, fuss and cry and basically be all unpleasant over the past two years, before I could do what I needed to do.
Simplicity is the key. There are no outside lights, no baked goods or stacks of presents. The trees are not up and yet I am savoring the season instead of writing about how horrible it is. There is a tree, do not fear. My small white one, with the white lights, has been up all year without decorations. What can I say, it just never came down. It lights up the room at night giving everything a magical glow. Outside in the driveway sits the other tree. I have gone a bit crazy this season and yes, I bought a real one. It is something I wanted for me, just once more in my lifetime. The kids have never had a real one, not ever and it has been at least thirty years since one has graced my home. I did not venture to the forest to cut it down, something I would never do, but purchased it from the local nursery. The tree is wrapped pruned and ready to go, or so they say. It sounds a bit like the old “so easy a child could do it” and I will share my trials here. I am certain it would be worthy of a video. Most certainly it was a splurge but I will never do it again and this holiday we have scaled everything else way back. I suppose when I say “we” I mean “I” as there was no vote taken. Regardless of my tyranny, my children seem content with things. They are grown or late teens now so they have changed as well.
Dinner is planned though I waffle back and forth between menus. I bought a new cookbook, another thing I have not done in years. Yes I watched the movie about Julia Child and I was determined to prepare her stuffed duck. Common sense returned and I knew a new recipe for a holiday would mean certain disaster. I will make it another time, as I told my brother, and if all goes well, he will get a call to come for dinner. I have not wanted to cook something elaborate in a very long time and I am not quite sure what is happening to me. If I decide to make it, I will share all the hysteria on this blog.
A new tradition is also being born, the tree decorating night. My brother remembers the days of doing this and has no tree or decorations at his home. Some of mine are saved from my childhood, ornaments my parents saved from my grandparents. A select few survived my father, who was not noted for his careful packing of such things, and they are treasured. I wish more things had survived. When I was a little girl, we had a tree made of graduated tulle hoops placed over a taper candle. It was made by my grandmother and had sequins on the tulle and tiny ornaments we hung on the fabric. I loved that centerpiece and have no idea what became of it.
This is a good holiday season and I am content to enjoy music, lights and the mystical energy as we move through Yule to the Blue Moon gracing us on New Years Eve. Take time to sit back and enjoy, listen and just relax. You will be happier and everyone around you will be as well.
“On the first day of winter,
the earth awakens to the cold touch of itself.
Snow knows no other recourse except
this falling, this sudden letting go
over the small gnomed bushes, all the emptying trees.
Snow puts beauty back into the withered and malnourished,
into the death-wish of nature and the deliberate way
winter insists on nothing less than deference.
waiting all its life, snow says, “Let me cover you.”
- Laura Lush, The First Day of Winter
“To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things.”
Francois Couperin
“Shall we liken Christmas to the web in a loom? There are many weavers, who work into the pattern the experience of their lives. When one generation goes, another comes to take up the weft where it has been dropped. The pattern changes as the mind changes, yet never begins quite anew. At first, we are not sure that we discern the pattern, but at last we see that, unknown to the weavers themselves, something has taken shape before our eyes, and that they have made something
very beautiful, something which compels our understanding.”
- Earl W. Count, 4,000 Years of Christmas
Do you remember still the falling stars
that like swift horses through the heavens raced
and suddenly leaped across the hurdles
of our wishes–do you recall? And we
did make so many! For there were countless numbers
of stars: each time we looked above we were
astounded by the swiftness of their daring play,
while in our hearts we felt safe and secure
watching these brilliant bodies disintegrate,
knowing somehow we had survived their fall.
Rainer Maria Rilke
The snow has stopped leaving the cold north wind howling at my windows. The shades have been drawn, the door cozy put in place to help keep the house as warm as possible. Last night the wind was so strong it was blowing snow under the deck door. The dog is crazy today, with repeated visits outside as if she thinks it will suddenly be warm again if only she tries one more time.
In spite of it all, there is a magic in the air, perhaps just the season of the year, but I feel it, a powerful energy, an even stronger surge of emotion. Today has been spent enjoying music and spirits, letting the words warm up inside of me, some tender and some filled with fire. Thankfully there are those who hear me and understand no matter where they are in this world. Seems the best of them are far away, those I hold as friends and those I hold close to my heart. It is amazing where you find people and you wonder about life without connections and how it would drift by you without knowing anything but what was close by. I wonder if there would always be a place inside, always searching for that missing piece.
The house is as yet not decorated and again I am fine with it, to a point. I would like some show of Yule and was hoping to create it today. However, the house is quiet as those around me are in hibernation, except the dog. So I spend a quiet day and leave my tasks for another time. Often I find myself doing such tasks in the wee hours, a time when my body normally works and one that comes naturally for me. As is tradition my decorations go up in the bitter cold. It seems no matter how good my intentions it always comes to this.
There are books by my beside, about six of them waiting for me. The cold weather seems like just the right time to start them and so I did last night. It seems like I am going back to the beginning, working to find myself and find what fits. My candles sit waiting for me and I hope to light them soon, as I begin again.
