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Today I was looking for some music from a movie I watched. It was a haunting movie, about someone who dreamt of another life. As I looked over the track titles there was the one called, “The Girl With Two Souls.”
As I sat starting at the title, I felt powerful emotions washing over me, a knowing once sitting deep inside, now captured some words on a page. The girl with two souls, living between two lives, the one she has at her side and the one she feels from the shadows. Neither life is less, both are part of her, yet one calls so strongly, like a call of wild things in the night. It weaves an enchantment around her heart and fills her spirit and soul with something she can find in nothing else.
The journey of her life is a shadow dance, moving in and out of the shadows of her realities, unable to explain what she finds there, but knowing beyond any doubt that it is real. Tonight I will walk in the shadows, calling to me the things that nourish me. Tomorrow as the sun rises I will watch the shadows move on the wall fading as the light fills the room, knowing they will always be there, waiting for me, my shadow dance.
Once again I find myself bestowed with more lovely awards, thanks to Sorrow.
There are times I’m not sure what I am doing to deserve these accolades from friends as I seem to have been milling around in a state of confusion for the past couple of months, not knowing where I was going or grumbling about where I find myself. As I said in my previous post I’m trying to learn to express myself in a true light without returning to the post to soften the edges or delete it entirely. I opened another blog in a move I thought would “set me free.” It has not and though it is lovely looking, I find myself writing in pretty much the same way.
Perhaps this is what I’m supposed to do for now and perhaps those things that sit deep inside me are best left to the pages of a private journal. Still while I grumble and mumble and sort myself out, it’s good to know I have a community of like minded souls who hear me. I also have an array of beautiful, artistic, funny and spiritual blogs to get me through the day and inspire me to become better at this whole writing thing.
Now to pass these along, something I’m terribly remiss at doing. There are so many to choose from.
Mermaid whose blogs are beautiful and soulful and a friend who listens to my insane babblings.
Danielle whose Modern Musings keep us informed and thinking about what needs to be done in this world.
Grace whose blog keeps me inspired.
Missharleyquinn a visitor from the early times going forward, one who understand the ramblings of my heart.
These are just a few of the deserving candidates I can name tonight. Take a look at some of those on my blogroll. It’s a great way to discover some wonderful sites.
I pinched this off a friends blog as I thought it was worth sharing.
Above you paint the sky
delicate as maidens hair.
Below, pour a little darkness
heated to room temperature
or slightly more.
With a cat’s claw in the dark
scratch out a little tree,
the finest tree in the world,
finer than any forester
could ever imagine.
And the tree itself
will light up,
and the whole picture purr
with green joy
with purple hope.
Right. But now you must
put under the tree
the
real big thing,
the thing you most want in the world;
the thing pop singers
call happiness.
It’s easy enough for a cat,
a cat will put a mouse there,
Colonel Blimp will line up
the largest jet propelled halberd
which shoots and bangs and salutes,
a sparrow will gather
a few stalks for it’s nest,
master junior clerk will submit
a stuffed file tied with red tape,
a butterfly will put there
a new rubber peacock’s eye,
but what will you put there?
You think and think
till the day grows grey
till the river almost runs out
till even the bulbs begin to yawn
you think
and finally
there in the darkness you blot out
a hazy white spot,
a bit like a florin,
a bit like a ship,
a bit like the Moon,
a bit like the beautiful face
of someone (who?) else,
a hazy white spot,
perhaps more like emptiness,
like the negation of something,
like non-pain,
like non-fear,
like non-worry,
a hazy white spot,
and you go to bed
and say to yourself
yes, now I know how to do it,
yes, now I know,
yes,
next time
I shall paint
the most perfect Christmas tree
that ever was.
Miroslav Holub
Thanksgiving has come and gone though the feeling it brings is still with me. It was peaceful if not a bit understated but really it all worked out fine. It turned out to be just the four of us and it was probably for the best. I managed to turn out a nice meal but I was knocked out by the return of a cold and not worth much else.
In the spirit of the day my youngest and I took the dog for a late walk. Last year it was so nice we walked in cotton attire, an unusual twist for November. This year it was cold and still, the night sky brilliant with the full moon. It was surrounded by a halo of light and it illuminated the trails and walkways. Shining through the tall bare trees. coupled with the dusting of snow on the ground it made a picture worthy of a card.
Sometimes it’s hard to find beauty on a gray November day, but once again it was there in the snowflakes that feel softly and in the moon lighting my path as I walked through the trees toward home.
I’m pretty busy today so I thought I’d just post this picture.
I’m on my way out the door to work in just a few minutes. I wish I wasn’t as the new moon is coming tonight after 1am. Oh the moon will still be there, no matter where I might find myself, but tonight I felt the need to just sit and commune with her a bit. The moon clearly is such a part of me, something I have affirmed the last few days. The calm and clarity that comes to me during this time is pretty amazing. I never noticed it in years gone by. I think it pays to really pay attention to the earth and all that is in it and also ourselves and what affects us from day to day.
My son was sharing a story about a classmate at school. It was a rather sad story though the whole picture is something we cannot know looking in from the outside. Still, I want to stay home and just keep my child close to me tonight, letting him know I would never abandon him. Surely there are days I’ve felt like it, haven’t we all, but I never would.
There are a lot of stressful things going on in my life right now, but that’s ok. I know eventually it will all work itself out. That’s what this moon does for me. It gives me clarity to know I can keep going and that I’m not alone. Tonight I was watching the tail end of a movie while munching my snack. As I saw the character standing on the edge of a rocky ledge wondering what to do, the scene looked down over a beautiful forest of trees and I thought “who could leave that?”
There are tough times in this life, something we all experience. Then something happens and you take a deep breath and realize the world has so much there. It calls us to be a part of it. It’s an unmistakable voice and so I’ve heard it once again.
Missharleyquinn tagged me on this one. I’m supposed to choose one song that describes me. This is such a difficult task. It depends on the mood I’m in, what I’m doing at that moment, and also who I’m thinking of.
I like almost all kinds of music, rock to harp. When I write I play classical or quiet things. There is nothing like classical music with it’s many emotions to carry you away to other places. When I need to move about the house and get things done, I put on anything from the Stones to rap. Music is a big part of life and I can’t imagine being without it. I suppose if I have to describe myself in one song, I’ll go here. It’s my favorite poem by Tennyson and the song is equally beautiful.
Mermaid, though I know this will be even more difficult for you, you’re it.
Sometimes in winter, when I wake up at night, there is a stillness, a quiet in the air and I know it’s snowing. I don’t really know how to explain it but I’m always right. It’s like that around me right now, still and quiet, like I’m waiting for something. It’s a peaceful quiet, a respite from the busy holiday times that will soon descend upon us.
I’ve cut back a bit on my blog time as I feel a pull to be doing other things as well. There is a strong need to get back to my walks as I gain a great deal of strength from nature. There is also a part of me that wants to write something new, but I don’t yet know where go with that. I’ve thrown myself into blogging with such intensity and I think I’ve neglected myself in other ways.
The confusion that has surrounded me is clearing and I once again hear the voice that comes from within, at least for now. I’m going to kick back and listen to that voice, and wait for the words that I know will come through me onto the page.
Yesterday I removed my pretty deep blue design. As I sat here talking to my friend I realized my real name was sitting there big as you please on all my posts. I went into my profile to see if I had changed anything, but no, I was still listed as Goldenferi, a handle I created when I first opened this blog. At the time I was just looking for a different name, as I was escaping the clutches of those I had first found in the on-line pagan world. As a newbie I was struggling with feelings and experiences that were all new to me. During that time of tender transformation, I found myself smack in the middle of what is known as “witch wars.” This was not a good place to be and I needed to strike off on my own in an effort to find out what I believed.
Now as I sit and think on it, perhaps the time is coming where I no longer wish to write behind a created identity. There are those who have come here enough who know my real name anyway. I’m going to sit and think for a little while longer about that pretty blue template and about who I am. Perhaps it’s time for a change, to uncover the woman who has been quiet for so long.
Today is a beautiful fall day, slightly cool with a few trees of golden and red still remaining, set against the backdrop of the blue sky. Still there is a sense of unrest that hangs in the air, one that has walked by my side for several days now. Perhaps it is the energy of the full moon coupled with the arrival of Samhain. Perhaps it is the departure of my good neighbor, watching the van load up the last of their possessions. It seems as if this is a time of separation, one of moving things out of our lives. That is appropriate I suppose with the arrival of the full moon. The new moon moves with me, we are in sync and I feel a mystical energy during that time. The full moon illuminates all that is around me, bringing its energy to me in an almost jolting force at times.
This is a time of separation it seems. Things around me are leaving and departure from the familiar always rocks my world at least for a while. My friend who has been blogging with me since May is closing her blogs to pursue her writing. She is a good writer and I support her in all her efforts. I’m just hoping I don’t lose touch with her as she has become part of that familiar landscape for me.
Today I have spent some time catching up with blogs here. There are great blogs out there many I’m sure that I have yet to find. My focus here is to write and I am guilty of not always visiting others as often as I should. Once there I find treasures that amaze me. As I move forward and embrace new ideas, I may not meet the needs of some who have been readers in the past. When you take chances you risk losing some along the way. It appears I have done this already, again more separation. Still life is about risk and chance. Without it we never move forward and we may miss some of life’s most glorious experiences.
Even with the unrest and slight sadness that fills me this day, you will find me out under the moon. She calls to me and I am drawn to her beauty and light. As I sit under the moon and stars on this quiet October night, I will wonder how something so strong can be so beautiful.
