For But A Moment

Last night I found my oldest son on Facebook. It was an eerie feeling knowing we are once again not communicating and  how much I miss him. My shortcomings as a parent have become his focus and it hurts to much to hear this sort of thing over and over. Still he was my favorite when he was a boy and I miss him terribly. This evening I received this from someone who has experienced some of the same things. I thought I’d post it for all of us. There are no guarantees in this life. Our children are our own for but a moment. They may choose to fly away and never return.

 

Remember Kahlil Gibran’s words

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Out of The Mouth Of Babes

My son and I have some of the most interesting discussions.  It’s amazing what kids notice when you don’t present it to them first. We were having are usual  afternoon chat when he pointed this out.  His one friend who has no video games and is not allowed to watch anything with violence of any sort, is the nicest friend he has.  Interesting isn’t it? Perhaps all those studies were right.

Don’t get me wrong, I love video games and I’m pretty darn good at some of them. I do not however allow things like Grand Theft Auto into my home and I’m shocked to find little kids playing a game and glorifies violence and killing and devalues women.  As adults we are going to have to become the boss again and learn to say no if we ever want society to turn around from the violent greedy place it has become.  

That’s my little ditty for the day.

It Takes a Village

Today while sitting with my son going over the days events, there was a knock at the door. It was a neighbor boy, one I don’t know well but have seen across the street. My son went outside and they chatted for a minute and then the boy left.

He was looking for his sister who sits at my son’s table at lunch. She was due home with a friend and never showed up. The mother had no idea where she was and she and her small son were starting to panic.  She had called the police per the son and had not heard a thing. The son came back to our home to get some phone numbers of friends, and through the diligent efforts of this young child, I could sense the state of the mother. It was as if I could feel her fear growing deep within me and the helplessness she was feeling at that very moment.  

Kids forget, we did I know. They don’t think about the angst they cause parents. We did it to our parents I’m sure. Still our world is different now and the dangers that await much more prevalent. I have not heard if she is home again and I can only hope she strayed to a friends house and forgot to call home.  I feel badly as I’m leaving for work soon. It’s dark now and if the girl is not home the mother’s fears will only grow more intense.

It amazed me how quickly my gut started to hurt after that child knocked at my door. It was as if there was a universal energy among us as mothers that made me want to charge out and find this child. When I was a child a village truly did raise a child, it wasn’t just a cool idea.  Everyone looked out for us and everyone watched what we did. If we stepped out of line we answered often to more than just the parent, but we were safe.  We have forgotten how to watch out for one another in this busy world.  It’s time to start remembering.

What Could Have Been

Last night my son and I sat talking about his day.  Yesterday he arrived home with his friend who lives down the hill, who had hopped his bus home. On the bus ride one of the kids pulled out a bebe gun, painted to look like a real gun, pointed it in my son’s face and said “I’m going to shoot you.”  My son stood up, now twice as big as this kid, and told him if he did, he would break the gun over his head. The kid backed down and then went after Peter’s friend who is not big and who is afraid of bullies. He shot him several times with babes, thankfully, and is now suspended from school. The friend is now afraid that the bully’s friends will retaliate.  My son will be the one on that bus today, not the kid who was shot and I can’t help wondering what my son will have to tell me when he arrives home.

I thought about it all this morning over my coffee. What if that had been a real gun, not just a bebe gun? My son might be gone. The bullies that we experienced when we were in school are nothing like the bullies now. These kids are vicious, both girls and boys, and have no heart or compassion. My son is intelligent and very perceptive and I have taught him how to handle them by confronting their behavior and embarrassing them. It is working so far. Fortunately my son is also very big for his age but he is not a fighter. I doubt very much if he would have followed through with this threat about breaking the gun over the kids head, but most likely he would have taken it from him.

Bullies will always be an ongoing problem. They’ve been with us since the beginning of time I suspect. The problem is becoming very serious in a culture that has become increasingly violent.  Not one day goes by in school for my son without an encounter of some sort with these kids.  I have taught my kids early on how you treat other people and how you don’t treat them. I have taught them what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. I have taught them to be compassionate and treat all people equally.  We as parents need to take a good look at the schools and at our children.  We need to take a good look at the entertainment industry and how violent it has become. I thought I’d never hear myself say these words but look at the games these kids play.  What are we teaching them?

Listen to your kids. Talk to them all the time. You might find out some very interesting things.  My son is in the 8th grade. The big word they all use is rape.  That’s something to think about.