This is one of those days. I’m not sure why, but it is. Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep or the clouds. It’s a nice day surely, but I feel overwhelmed with thoughts.
Sometimes I sit and wonder where I fit in this world and what my purpose is. This is nothing unique as I’m sure we all have wondered this from time to time. Perhaps it comes from surrounding myself with people who were not like-minded my entire life, a situation I’m currently trying to correct. Perhaps it’s just me. I’m a bit of a loner at times, though I do enjoy others. I pull into myself and tend to wander, and that can make getting to know me a bit of a challenge at first. Once people know me, they are often surprised at how animated and talkative I can be.
I’m not what you would call a rebel, but I’ve never bothered to follow the same path as others. I dance to my own drummer and always have. I wear what I want, think what I want and live life the way I want. I’ve read that last part and realize what sort of visual it’s painting so let me say, I’m not one people point fingers at and say, “oh it’s her, the strange lady from….” I’m just my own person. My lifestyle is very independent, as much as it can be with kids, of course. I’m not a community activist, though I probably should give more time there. I can only justify that a bit, with a lifetime filled with care-giving and care-taking, of, of course, everyone but myself.
Sometimes the road of self discovery is a long one and it’s taken me years to get to a point where I’m finding anything, any clues to who I am. For all of my life, I’ve been a daughter, a mother, very briefly, a wife, and of course a nurse. Though some of this has been nice, I wonder, isn’t there something more, or is this all there is?
Forgive my selfish moment ramblings. As I say, I’m sure we’ve all been there. It’s not that I don’t appreciate what I have, but I guess there’s nothing wrong with reaching for a bit more. What that more is, I guess I need to find out.