This is one of those nights when I can’t think of anything stirring to write. Someone told me that I always write “things for the soul”. This was a great compliment and I do try. Most of those things I write are just reflections of feelings and experiences I have had over the past few months.
Earlier tonight I was discussing spirituality with someone and it was like a light came on. She knew where I was, and what I was feeling. She said people often have misconceptions or unrealistic expectations about spirituality. At first it is a selfish path, one we walk in a way that is right for us. Only after we have discovered our way, filling our spirit and soul, can we expect to send this out to others. If I cannot build myself up, how can I possibly do it for others.
Some of this rings very true for me. I explained to her that since I have started on this journey, I am not the person I was a few months back. This is not necessarily a positive thing for those around me, as I am not the person they remember and they sometimes do not know what to make of it. I am, without a doubt, more selfish, my spirit needing, demanding the time to make this journey. It has been, at times, all I can do not to walk away from those closest to me, so that I can lose myself totally in this experience.
Of course, I would not leave those that need me, so I walk a bit slower down the path. As I experience things along the way, I do try to share them to the best of my abilities by writing them here as well as in my journals. If I capture something that stirs the soul for another, then I have sent just a bit of myself out to others, even though this journey is so new for me. When it all started last August, I tried to do what was right according to books and what others thought. Now I realize that I can only do what is right for me and that it may change, the path of my journey curving from time to time. There will be many I meet along the way, some who are there for just a short time, guiding me through one part of that path. Then there are those who will stay, some walking by my side in friendship, and some in love.
This has been a weekend filled with chaotic thoughts and emotions for me, I’m sure just another step along the way. I’ve spent much of it trying to center and get back to a calm listening state. It has settled for now and I’m hoping the hardest part tonight will be eating my barbecue chicken with plastic utensils.