Here I am, home rather than at work. I was getting ready earlier and had put my little mini spinach pizza in the oven. The past hour had been spent chatting away with my son and complaining about a sharp little pain that kept making me jump here and there.

As I was cutting my pizza, I had a feeling of being held very tightly, and became extremely lightheaded. I traveled back to the living room and my son looked at me and said “what”. I lay down on the carpet thinking if I just rested a moment it would pass. It got worse and swept over me in a wave that made me even more lightheaded. At that point, I rather lost it and called for my daughter. She and her boyfriend came barreling down the steps to me and my son sat wide eyed and terrified in the chair watching.

We sat, I lay on the rug,  and chit chatted a bit to see if it would pass and it did. Needless to say I called in sick to work. I’m very tired but otherwise ok now. When Peter was four years old I had this same feeling caused by hormone shifts. At the time they told me I was crazy, until that is, I turned up with an article by an MD in New York, on hormone shifts and irregular heartbeat.

The whole thing has left me tired and tremendously emotional and I seem to be having intermittent floods of tears. I’m staying close to my son’s side tonight as he was quite shaken by the whole thing. In all honesty so was I, but I know what I need to do, so it’s off to the MD first of the week for some hormones. Not to worry, if it comes back in earnest, I will be off to the hospital without protest.

During the time I was lying on the floor, all the things I’d never said or done went through my head at that moment. Tonight, while sitting in bed,  I thought if something would have happened, all the poems and things I had written would be lost somewhere on a blog and who would ever know.  How quickly we can fade away,  only a shadow remaining of who we were.  Another life altering experience hits, when I least expect it.

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