Tonight I’ve been sitting here struggling, trying to find something to write. This struggle has been going on this week since Wednesday night. I’m not sure what happened that night, but it would seem I’m in some new place, that I have taken a new turn on the path. I’ve spent most of the week since then drifting in and out of thought as I try to figure it all out.
Most of the writing I’ve churned out since that time has been a little different speaking of other worlds and mystical existence. This is what I am feeling so this is what I am writing. As I look at the words, I can only wonder “who wrote that”?
Perhaps this will go back to “normal” in a few days, I don’t know but it seems that something happened and there is a change that I can’t describe. I was talking to a friend and I told her I felt as if I have traveled and only part of me has returned. So those folks who want to say “she’s not all there” will finally have it right.
If only I had that house by the ocean right now, or that cottage in some quiet place, where I could be by myself for just a little while, alone with my thoughts, my laptop and some music. Music helps me let go and reach for new places deep inside of myself. It helps me travel away to places in my mind.
Life goes on and I won’t be running away to the ocean or some wooded place. Summer is here and the house is filled with the music of boys, many many teenage boys. My house looks out onto our “little woods” and the lake will be my ocean. Perhaps one of these days I’ll figure out who I am or maybe who I was. In the meantime I’ll continue to drift down this new path enjoying the peace and beauty I have found.