Learning to Trust

One of the most difficult lessons I face, is learning to hear and see the messages that come my way and trusting myself once I do. There was a time when I trusted myself, but that time was long ago and now I’m having to learn it once again. Over the past year many very interesting and perhaps a few unexplainablel things have happened to me, as well as just becoming more aware of the things around me.

Friends will ask me, “what did you hear,” or “was there a message,” and often I find myself unsure. I’m not always good at picking these things up, when in fact they are sitting right in front of me. This is a strong case for the personal journal, the one you fill out, perhaps each day. Looking back, the pieces will often come together and you will see something that you missed. Sometimes there are no messages. Sometimes when I meditate, sit quietly by the water or just sit under the moon and stars, it’s simply a peaceful restful experience, one that helps me get everything lined up and back in good order. Other times, the message are there, perhaps in something as simple as a candle, or a coincidence that seems to happen just when doubt creeps in. They can be so simple and small, or they can be more noticeable. In my case, I think there are times those messages want to reach out and smack me to get my attention. One of those messages came last week, and it took me to the end of a working to realize it was there. Today again, another message came, this time during a meditation. As I settled in I tried desperately to clear my mind, not an easy task for me ever, but was unable to clear the thoughts of one person. At the beginning I was frustrated, as I wanted to let myself go and perhaps see where things would take me. As it progressed, he continued to follow me through the meditation and I felt him with me after it was done. The question I had been asking had been answered, and he took my hand walking with me until I realized the answer had been there all the time.

Still life experiences creep in, and I get these spells when I doubt even the most strong clear messages. I find myself pulling out everything I can think of “to be sure” that I am right. Time, I keep telling myself, will help. My trust in myself will grow as will my confidence. I can only hope those things working to change me and those who walk by my side, have the patience to continue. Life does not come equipped with a crystal ball, but the messages do come once we learn to see, hear and then trust in ourselves.

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