Today is glorious following a day of rain. The sun is shining and it is gentle warmth not too warm not too cold. Last night was one of intense emotion and energy and I’m recouping a bit as I always do when there is high energy involved. Sometimes I feel all alone with the things I experience, and I’m thankful I can at least put those things here. These are not ordinary things that you can talk to just anyone about and you risk losing those around you who would not understand.
Sometimes you lose those who do understand but whose own lives are filled with things that make it difficult for them to hear you. So it was last night as I sat alone with my emotions pouring out of me. I needed to sit with a friend but who would I choose that could understand what I would tell them. I quieted those emotions after some time and was filled with a sudden peace. The urge to write came over me and write I did, starting with an outline on paper, one I hope to start filling in with the words.
Some days I get tired of feeling, as the emotions with it can be so exhausting. As I sat last night, shouting to the quiet of the night, I wondered why, why so many things had come alive it me after all this time. Why did I have to feel, it was so much easier to move through the days without it. But deep down I knew it was not easier, as those days went by all gray and lifeless. Now I see the colors of the leaves and the blue of the sky. I hear the wind as it blows through the trees and the rain as it falls quietly in the night. With that comes a path that has been chosen for me, I know that now. This path is still unclear but I know it will continue to show me the way.
This path may not include all those things I want though a love walks by my side every day, one that is great and strong. It is a love from the shadows and it is one that may give me no more in this life. Still there are days I would give up everything for just a moment where that love could drift from the shadows and come to me. But now I’m talking nonsense to many so I will stop.
Back to the day and out into the light I go. Perhaps tonight I will write under the night sky, savoring the beauty of the moon and stars. It’s been a while.