Last night I was dreaming again, not that this is any great thing. We all dream don’t we? I always have had vivid dreams since I was a child, so much so that at times it was like going to the movies. It seems there are few that I remember after I’m awake. Those would be the repetitive dreams, the very vivid dreams, and the ones that are extremely upsetting.
It’s been a few months now since I’ve had one that was really vivid. Those were only a few and they all centered around one person. These dreams were so vivid that a sense of “real” filled them. It’s been disappointing not to have more, but then as I look over the past months, I realize the connection with this person has grown stronger in other ways. Perhaps the dreams aren’t necessary any longer. Last night, however, he was there, and as I thought about it, I knew he had been there in many of the dreams I’ve had lately. It’s not been direct but as if he was looking in at my dreams, watching what I’m watching, almost standing by my side. There have also been flashes of him that come to me suddenly and are very strong, along with a few things I’ve seen on those rare occasions when I really let go with meditation. Explaining a connection with another person is difficult and there are days I can’t explain it, even to myself. But, it’s there without a doubt, his energy coming to me, surrounding me. Sometimes I wonder if he feels it too, or if it’s just me, my discovery alone for this life. It makes me sad to think this, that I will walk through life, feeling this bond for him, and it might not be his time to see. Still I’m glad to know he’s here in life. I’d rather have the connection with him, knowing such a thing can exist, than not have it at all.
Deep down I want so badly to tell him, but I know how strange it could sound and it might only serve to upset him, the last thing I’d ever want to do. So I sit back and watch his life go by me, hoping I will find him again some day and hoping he waits to leave this life until I am gone. Strange as it may seem, I need him here if only for the knowledge of what once must have been.