The other morning I was on my way home from work. It was dark as it is these mornings, and I was ready for my bed. Sometimes it seems, when I get that tired, my mind seems to clear of all things and messages, or revelations come to me.
This particular revelation was about part of my past, and that morning those last memories would fade away like an old picture left too long in the sun. As I drove along, I thought of how I am now, and how strong the love is that fills me, the capacity for intimacy almost endless. Then it struck me, how new this all is to me. I’ve never been in this place before. I was capable of love but only with my children and I had no capacity whatsoever for intimacy with anyone. It was hard for me to sit and think about it, as I came from relationships filled with a good deal of coldness and cruelty. At the same time, however, I realized how lonely my partners must have been as I shut them out of every part of myself. I don’t blame myself, nor do I blame them for the things that have passed by me during those times. There is a feeling of great peace, as if none of it matters any longer.
Another small part of my journey is complete, something falling away, opening the door for me to move forward. Perhaps this is why I have found my “twin flame” in this life, so I might heal the woman that once was, and realize the woman that was meant to be.