One of the biggest struggles for me over the past year, has been finding a place where I fit. Since discovering this side of myself, be it pagan or whatever, I’ve gone on to search for others who feel as I do, who experience those things I experience. I’ve found things and abandoned them and continue to work on defining just who it is I am. I suppose you could say I believe in all things and I believe in nothing. I see the world through many eyes, and I refuse to follow just one path.
When I first started down this road last fall, I joined many groups and forums in an effort to discover like minded souls. What I ended up finding, for the greater part, were many who made me doubt myself and who perceived the pagan world from their point of view only, one that did not tolerate any variance. The pagan world speaks much about intolerance but does not see that some of the worst intolerance lies within their own circles. There were nice people out there, ones searching, as I was, for a guide to help them as they were going through a discovery and transformation. There were few guides there, but those whose arrogance drove many like myself to solitary discoveries or in the case of some, away from the path entirely. During that time, I was given misinformation and made to feel that without years and years of mentoring and experience I would never be able to embrace the divine. Occasionally there were those who would lend a hand to me, in my confusion, and I will always hold them in my heart.
Since I’ve separated myself from these groups, I’ve found more people like myself, people out there who walk a path that has no name but one that embraces the world and the divine within. No one can find that for you nor can they take it from you. They cannot hold it captive because you do not believe as they do, and they cannot award it because you have done those things they feel you should to earn it. The divine is there walking with us from the time we are created. You may look to find it, or perhaps one day, as it was with me, it will find you, calling in a voice that is unmistakable.