It’s been a chaotic non productive day, one of those days that makes going to work almost pleasurable just to escape the conflict going back and forth in the house. This time of year coupled with the moon has thrown everyone here into a state. We are not alone in this. As I talk to friends they find themselves swimming in a place where they are transforming and where things are being thrust in the the strong illumination of this moon.
The poetic tones of my writing are lost on a day such as today. I’ve just sent my son out the door to a Halloween dance at school. From his arrival home from school to his departure just minutes ago, he’s worked at antagonizing me, a behavior he cultivated as a small child but one that is rarely seen now. This week has not been a good one between us. The chaos in the air has put us at each others throats. Each peaceful moment we have found has been followed by many more that are not peaceful. My daughter and I have also been at odds, a storm that has been brewing, fueled by my needing her to take charge of her life, and a need to move on with mine.
These are the days that make me want to run as fast as I can, leaving everything that surrounds me behind. I’m sure this is not something unique to me and I know in some ways it will settle by morning. Still, the woman who once walked inside me is gone, her needs and wants no longer a part of me. It is almost as if I woke one day to find myself in a strangers life one that I no longer remember. It’s not quite that dramatic and I will stay to nurture those who need me, at least for a while longer. One day however, I know I will leave on a journey, not just one of the soul, but one that will lead me to all the things that call the woman I am becoming.