Today I’m sitting here trying to get the energy to conquer the house. There is so much I need to do before Thanksgiving next week. I feel like I’ve never caught this place up since I injured my knee last March. Once you get behind it’s like an uphill battle. Summer vacation took on a whole new meaning of mess as well with friends of my son tramping in and out all day long.
The holidays are once again looming in the horizon. I’d like to say I’m happy about that but it becomes a series of dinners I provide along with endless cleaning coupled with waiting on people. I love the music, the lights and the connections that come to me over these times, but the rest I could live without.
This Thanksgiving looks like one person will be joining us, so I’m going through the motions and knocking myself out for he and my son. I suppose I’d do it all glady for my son as he so loves all of this. I did too when I was younger. Now comes the task of squeezing gifts out of a budget that is barely stretching to make ends meet, another stress.
I’ve been staring at the house since 9 am this morning and so far have done nothing. I took a nap and had dreams about voting? go figure. Once long ago I used to love to entertain. Perhaps if I had more people coming it would help, someone to help and party with. It will be my son and brother parked in front of video games or standing watching me wondering when everything will be ready. My other son is not speaking to me once again. He sent me a nastygram in email some months back that was the start of round two. Unfortunately for my son I’ve reached the point in my life where I can’t endure any more abuse, no matter who is dishing it out. It’s tough enough being a single mom as the world vilifies you for everything that goes wrong with kids, but when your own kids tell you what a rotten parent you were it really hurts. I miss him and his partner who I adore. My daughter will be here with me, conveniently laid up with a migraine until the work is done. I wonder what they’d all do if I ran away over the holidays?
Listen to me whine like a little kid. I’m sure it will pass and I will find the bright spot in all of it. Right now I just want to scream. I realize this post is not my usual style and I’m sorry about that. I’m sure I’ll have something nice to post later. Maybe I’ll go for a walk to the lake amd get inspired.