Isn’t it funny how just when you need it, something comes along to make you stop, take a breath and realize what it’s all about. Yesterday I was so tired from all of the holiday stress. The tears came freely and it seemed arguments rather than good will filled my home. Finally at the end of the day, things calmed and I listened to music while making some of my seasonal candies. The music of the day reminded me of those who are no longer here and more tears came, followed by warm memories of holidays gone by. Still my sleep was scattered, the energy of Yule I think, filling me but also making me come back to my senses and realize what will be will be and it’s enough.
As I lay in bed listening to the sound of melting snow dripping from the rooftops I took stock of all that has come my way in the past year. There have been many gifts, the gift of words, the gift of an awakening to self, and the gift of those who now walk in my world. These gifts are without measure and I am a different person because of them.
This morning I awakened to a winter wonderland of sorts, a soft now coming in the night icing the tree branches all in white. It was what I needed when I came downstairs for my coffee, tired from fitful sleep. The tears as still close today, falling at the slightest word or thought, but, I realized, perhaps they are tears that need to fall, ones that have been held back for so long. The trees with their beautiful ornaments and lights will go up today, the only thing I really ever wanted and more music will fill the house. Memories will come with each of the decorations we put on those trees, as we remember the love, forgotten for just a moment in our holiday frenzy. Ah, here come the tears.