Today I can’t seem to get anything going. I feel stuffed full of thoughts and emotions but can’t bring them to the page. I’m restless but don’t know what to do. Perhaps it is the energy of the full moon or perhaps I am just stir crazy from being inside in the bitter cold when I need to be by the water, frozen or not. Compounding the frustration is the fact that I just wrote this post, added a picture and the entire post was obliterated. I’ve had this happen once before, that time on probably one of the best things I’ve ever written.
As I sat here browsing blogs I realized I’ve been on WP now for a year. I’m not certain of the exact date as I did some post moving from one blog to another, but I know it was January. Looking back on the posts I realise how much I’ve changed over a years time. The focus of my writing has drifted a bit as has my path. That part of me is still uncertain but I have learned some things.
I’ve learned to be true to myself and what I believe. I’ve learned to trust what is in my heart as it has stood the test of time and the doubts I’ve have allowed others to pour over me. I’m learning to let the behaviors of others be just that and not to give them more power. I’m learning to accept constructive criticism. I’m learning to accept constructive criticism. I’m learning to accept constructive criticism. I’m learning to accept constructive criticism. This has been a tough one as I come from a background of destructive criticism. I’ve learned to think before I speak. My ex had a nickname for me “Frank.” It kind of says it all. It’s that blunt Sagittarian tongue. I don’t mean to hurt feelings but sometimes I do. I’m learning to let the doors open to the things deepest inside me in a hope that my ability to light up the page will improve as time goes by. This is another hard one as I learned long ago to protect myself against those who would use that to hurt me.
I’m still on an uncertain path, some of the things having been with me since the beginning of this journey, some things gone and some still eluding me. Those that have been with me are those that will remain always. Tonight I hope to sit with the moon, something I have not done for some time. Perhaps she will light the path for me as she has done so often in the past.