My days off have so far been spent feeling frustrated and choked with words. There are many emotions churning inside me but none that I seem able to share. I ditched one blog today and I’ve been working on ideas for something else. Of course, being in mood like this is much like trying to find the perfect dress when you are in a bind. It’s rarely successful. The best decision in this case, I think, is to walk away and leave well enough alone.
Earlier this week I was relishing a night alone, something I’ve had few of in many years. My son was to go to a sleepover at a friends, and the thought of some time all to myself was almost unimaginable. Of course as in all best laid plans, the friend managed to get grounded and all was over before it started. My son was terribly disappointed as was I, though I kept mine hidden. We spent a fun evening together but deep down I wanted to shake his friend and cry out “how could you?”
Even in the midst of this frustration, I seem to be connecting strongly to things in a way I have not for months. Unfortunately it’s not something I can describe well. It may be one of those things we are not supposed to be able to share. I am not sleeping a great deal in this strange space I seem to be traveling between sleep and waking hours. I am feeling as if someone is reaching for me. This is not a bad feeling feeling and it makes me want to spend my day adrift in this place. The sun calls me outside, on these wonderful summer days and evenings. Even outside by the water, watching the sky reflect in the lake just before twilight, there is a sense of something more.
The sweet scent of flowers is filling the air along with a gentle breeze. The moon shines down in her beautiful crescent shape, when the rain is not falling. The sounds of daytime fold into evening and then to night. Perhaps this is the time to put down the pen for a brief respite and just listen.