As week two of our family cohabitation in a small space nears an end, we are certainly talking more but we are also getting increasingly edgy. It has been a challenge being this cooped up coupled with the stress of mortgage brokers and realtors. It does however pay to shop around. Today I was fortunate to find a mortgage representative who explained the process to me from start to finish, did not sugar coat it, and talked to me like I had a brain. This has been the exception rather than the rule, the mortgage arena filled with guys who even after all these years, gave me the feeling that I was just a woman after all. They lost my business.
We have found a place that we like and we are going back tomorrow to see it once again, take some pictures and measurements. Then we will make the offer and hope for the best. This has been without a doubt, one of the most exhausting things I have ever been through, my own fault entirely for being so impulsive and last minute. There must have been a reason for that impulse, one that lead me, one week before we moved, to throw caution to the wind and inquire about buying rather than renting. Still I hope I never have to go through this again.
Through all of the progress, I have to admit i hear a little voice in my head asking me what I am doing, as I have reached a point in my life where I had hoped to do other things. I guess one always needs a place to live in any case. Once settled I hope to get back to myself and center, this chaos making it difficult to connect to the things that nourish and sustain me. Some no doubt are walking with me through all of it but I am too clouded to hear their footsteps.
My journey to find home continues as does the roller coaster ride that goes with it. Soon I hope we will be near the end of that ride and I can return to those things I found within myself one autumn day, and sit quietly pondering this last turn in the road.