Today was a rare afternoon, really rare, one offering a bit of peace and a sort of solitude. These moments are savored now as we are living in a “suite” waiting out the purchase of a home. My daughter was out with her significant other and my son, after keeping crazy hours last night, was fast asleep. As I look over, he is still sleeping and it is now almost eleven.
Except for the dog, who required occasional trips outdoors, I had time late this afternoon, to stop, breathe just a bit, and think about something other than paperwork. This morning was crazy as I worked to gather the necessary paperwork, some of it packed in storage, some of it here, The lack of a printer or scanner made things even more challenging so I spent some time copying bank statements and emailing them forward.
After the all the paperwork was set aside I realized I had not had any time alone in a great many days. I thought of the people that need me and in turn the ones I need, something that does not always go hand in hand. This is something I found out one June day but that is another post and another story. While I love my family and would do anything for them, clearly, my doubts and those little questions that keep popping up in my mind come from the knowledge that I know where I want to be, and that I probably will never be there. Such is life and the concessions we make. Perhaps I am wrong and perhaps this is all part of a journey that will lead me there, but I do not think so.
It may not be my purpose in this life to claim my hearts desire. It may be enough that I was shown what is there, a glimpse of what can be and occasional visits, if you will, from the shadows? On days like this I wonder how many lifetimes it may take me to find it again. The emotions of the heart are strong and I have seen how mine can travel, reminding me that those things I hold there, are not very far away after all.
The meaning of life is something most of us ponder from time to time. Perhaps it is just to live and take each day one by one, the good ones getting us through and reminding us why we are here. For now, I know why I am here, though I will always hear the whispers of another place, where a part of my heart calls my name.