This past month I have found it challenging to write anything as you may have noticed, my blog filled with the words of others complete with visual accompaniments. Deep down there is a longing to write and at times this finds a way to the surface. Unfortunately the lack of space and privacy coupled with frequent interruptions have rendered it all but impossible. It seems my posts in other venues have become a collection of whining and moaning, and rather than sink to this I choose not to write anything. Those times I have dared to update this blog, I have gone back to find the posts littered with errors.
My stress level has been unrivaled by any other time I can remember and my respect for anyone who has gone through the home finding/buying process is enormous. We hope this process will be done soon and perhaps be in a home within the week. Still I find myself holding back the anticipation due to a loan officer who in our month of trials and tribulations has never made me feel confident in the process, in my outcome and last but not least, in her ability. I realized late due to lack of experience on my part, that she lacks the skills to “make it happen.” This has caused things to drag out long after they should have been completed. I am hopeful. well, sort of, that things will be completed shortly and I hang on only because I do not wish to start from square one, losing time and yet more money. My brother has been a gift through this, helping in ways I had never hoped to askfor and enduring my crazed rantings when asking the fatal question “how are things going?” We have become ever more fragile living in our close quarters and even the pets are beginning to pace like caged animals in the zoo.
I am filled with ideas, emotions and passions that I wish to write about and soon I will begin posting in ernest and using less of others and more of my own words. There will be things about the move should it happen and no doubt some about the house and any energy I might find there. There will be more visits with the moon and stars and more journeys. At present my heart is pretty full, and though it may seem as if I have forgotten those things I treasure and write about, they are always with me, needed and longed for more than ever, though one may never know. Oh to be wrapped up and kept safe from the world, loved and treasured if only for a few hours.
It is late once again, and though my soul is filled with thoughts, sleep will soon take over. It is the Autumn Equinox today, Mabon, a time of the seasons change, a time to give thanks. Today after I sleep I will go out into the sun and trees and marvel at a season that seems to be standing still, just for me, suspended in summer warmth until I go forward down the road.