There is something to be said for the early hours of the morning, the sky still dark, filled with all the stars of the night. The house is quiet and though I am ready for bed from the nights work, I treasure the solitude and time to think. This is one of those times I find myself lost in thought, those thoughts often cut short as I drift off to sleep.
This is the first time in weeks that I have been able to relax enough to really let myself go and drift once again to those places within. With that comes the pull of those places far away. Though I find myself in my new home, my soul still hears the call of those places that since childhood hold tight to me, like the arms of a loved one with a waiting embrace. I wonder now if I will ever answer that call, as life often pulls us in different directions. There is a deep longing in me tinged with a sadness I cannot explain or justify to anyone. I should be deliriously happy to be in a home and settled, and I do love my home and realize just how fortunate we are. Perhaps this is not my time or my life to wander and what I feel is something left from a life past or something waiting for a life to come. My heart and soul have been waiting a long time and I have been given many gifts in the last two years. Now I am restless for more. Life is a journey from one road to the next and I have to believe I am here for a reason and those things that call to me will find me, or I will find them one day. At that moment, maybe I will remember this and it will all make sense.
The end of October is coming, faster than I would like to believe and with it comes the beginning, for some of us, a start of a new year and new hopes. There is a strong energy around me now, and perhaps this is the reason for the emotions I am feeling. Those things I connected with so strongly are now coming back to me, now that the dust has settled. It is a good feeling, that feeling of connection, and I welcome it no matter what emotions come along for the ride.
Morning is a time when I fill with words, often spilling them into the pillow, but sometimes getting them to these pages. Perhaps they are just the ramblings of a tired woman, but maybe someone out there hears me and it makes just a little sense to them. The dog calls, the cat is perched on the highest point of the wall like a vulture looking down on prey, and there are failed foil masks littering the floor from my Halloween King who is now fast asleep. Life calls and for now it is here. My bed calls as well, and it is time for sleep.