Evening is here and with it another beautiful twilight over the pond. The geese flew by in formation, perhaps their departure for the winter or perhaps just relocating to another pond or lake in the area. The moon should show her face in a short while along with the stars that remain so wonderful in this new home. I can see the stars from my bedroom window and often watch them while in bed late at night. Sometimes the words I want to shout to the world are kept for the stars, a quiet nights conversation, shared with the universe.
The leaves on the trees are falling rapidly now, signaling the departure of Autumn as we have known it, and the arrival all too soon, of November winds. Even with the absence of October’s radiance, November holds a place in my heart that will never fade. Still it comes too quickly and I find myself unprepared for many things, the cold weather, holidays and letters left unwritten.
In contrast to last year, I am looking forward to all of it. I find myself humming and putting up Autumn decorations to embrace the coming of Thanksgiving. It is without a doubt a great deal of work, something I whined about at length last year. This year there is something around me, an essence of change if you will, not the new location, but a feeling that things are where they should be, even if they are not where, perhaps I would like to be at the moment. Perhaps those things I wish to go find, are waiting to find me instead.
Over the past weeks amidst the changes of my life, I found myself questioning everything, finding out, quite unexpectedly how those closest to me really felt about my path and about what is in my heart, something I thought was a secret. It is amazing how you can come to doubt yourself when told how really foolish they think you are. Then I remembered, who can know what you feel, and how can they possibly understand without experiencing it themselves. Sadly I have learned, once again, not to share my deepest self with those who surround me. This does not diminish my love for them, it just closes a door that will remain closed for all of my life. I will keep those feelings for the moon and the stars, the wind in the trees, the soft ripples of the water and the warmth of a winter’s fire. They will also find their way to the pages of this blog and letters, well crafted, to those who truly are a part of me. Those who walk closest to us are often far away in this world.
The evening calls me now, with the sounds that only the quiet darkness can bring. Tonight is mine to listen, speak and perhaps weave more words to the ones who I know, are always listening.