Tonight, after deleting nine drafts, I realized I was having a bit of a problem expressing myself. The last few days, I have felt myself stumbling about, once again trying to figure out just who it is I am. How I came back to this point, truly I do not know, but there is a reign of confusion in my soul at the moment.
My other thought is, perhaps I truly do know who I am but continue to live a life that cannot fully embrace her. This is hard to put into words and I am still struggling with it. There are those who would admonish me for my selfish thoughts, thoughts I am sure are not at all uncommon. I find myself holding back as I still concern myself with the thoughts of others, at least I guess I must. I write and delete, write and delete, and it is starting to place a caution on the words I want to flow freely.
So there you have it. I am working on letting go and finding someone who has no labels, someone who is not “this” or “that” but just me and getting a comfort level with that person. Once there I suppose I can start to write the things that are churning around inside of me. Even as I write this, it is with uncertainty not only about where this journey leads, but what I will discover along the way. Someone slightly new is trying to emerge, again. So if I grace you with beautiful words of others, it is because I am working hard to find my own.