Once again it has been a few days since I have posted and this has given me some time to go searching for the muse I seem to have misplaced. While I have yet to find her, perhaps I have discovered some reasons for her absence. I am struggling even now, to find the words for this post. One of the very rare moments of quiet time has found me and while I have been filled with words all day, now sleep calls me and many of those words elude me.
Lack of private time has become a huge issue since the move and being one who needs more rather than less of this, I am struggling to find the voice inside me. The house is very open and I have yet to find a private space all my own where I can crawl away and lose myself in words. I could use about a week someplace all by myself, or at least with someone who would understand when I glaze over and drift away to my little world. Teenagers are not the most understanding and I have been hearing alot of “mom you are getting that look again.” We are all adjusting to the move and it takes time.
Nature has become a huge part of my life in the last two years and I miss the trails, the meadow and my lake. I have not taken the opportunity to embrace those places here. There is a lake, there are trails and I am certain there will be more meadows to discover once the weather is pleasant again. It is a restless time of year, this bitter cold time, viewing my moon and stars from the windows or briefly at the open door of the deck. I need some serious time by the water, with the trees and under the stars to recapture a lost voice.
Two hours ago I was filled with words so lyrical I could have dazzled the pages of this blog. Now I am struggling to stay awake, winding down from a day filled with politics and listening to music. I am working to change myself and learning to let go of some things familiar that no longer nurture or support, not an easy task for me. It is hard to find your voice when you are around those who would steal your energy away.
The words have left for tonight and I need to sleep well and dream. Perhaps tonight my hearts desire will find a way to me in those dreams. No doubt I could use it.