As I sit here tonight I was remembering how I used to write away in the wee hours of the night, no stopping the flow of words that fell from me in the beginning. We had only a desktop then and an old table that was my parents. Sadly the table did not make it over in the last move but the desktop remains. When I bought this laptop I thought it would open new opportunities for me, making me mobile. I thought I could write away as I watched the world go by. There are, of course, those opportunities, but at the same time it made me lazy and rather stationary. It decreased my time spent exploring the world around me and decreased my ability to listen to that place within. I suppose that makes no sense whatsoever, but I really think it has been an issue. Later today I plan to move that desktop to a place where I can use it, a place I shall make my own.
The other night I finally started reading one of the many books I have recently purchsed. There is a small stack forming by the side of my bed, waiting for me to crack the pages. It seems I am longing to get in touch with myself and find the person I discovered almost three years ago. There were experiences and discoveries that left me changed. Once you unlock a place deep, once you walk down a path of discovery, you cannot turn and go back. Certainly I would never choose to go back, but I am left at times, with a sense of deep longing and a deep need to find something. What that is I am not sure, but a part of me feels a call to other places and people.
When I sat down to write this, I had many words to describe my thought and the things I am feeling. Now I find they are tangled and I cannot capture what it is I wanted to say. Perhaps it is the late hour. Forgive the ramblings of one who needs sleep and dreams. The day will bring more words and thoughts.