Yesterday I had something I was going to write. Yes, the words were weaving all around me but somehow I never managed to get it done. The words are still there, fortunately, and so my plan is to put them down before days end. It has been a struggle for me to word weave of late, actually it has been a struggle since we moved into this house. I have little privacy and little time to myself now and it has taken a toll. I had hoped to make a space for myself in the lower level but it seems that is going to involve a purchase of a computer table since my son has not turned over the desk in his room as planned. It is, after all, his desk, one that belonged to my father. It will remain in his room and I will get something small, something that will serve my purpose.
Yesterday I spent the day in an off and on horrible mood. As I looked back at the day I realized I had spent far too much time involved with the internet having gone back on chat and twitter. There is nothing wrong with either, but they can consume you. I have few people I chat with one being a long standing good friend. I have not been attentive to her these past days and I need to stop by and say hi. I joined Twitter the other day on a whim, and left it equally fast yesterday. I pulled back from chat and and tried to find some time for myself. Still the energies of past days found me boiling over with frustration and the day did not go as planned.
I have always been a very sensitive person and this has not changed as I grow older. Yes, I have grown a bit thicker skin to people who throw sticks and stones, but the inner sensitivity still remains. Another truth is I do not like conflict. There has been conflict around me the past few days and much negative energy. It involved friends and it left me reeling and exhausted. You will never find me at the head of the group, waving signs and screaming for justice. You will never see me posting about causes. This is not me. I do my things quietly and in a way that will allow me to stay healthy. This is not to say I am not passionate about many things and I would walk through fire for those I love.
There is a point to this post, though I may have lost it in my ramblings. Getting caught in the crossfire of a dispute is not a good thing. I put myself there of my free will and since have pulled myself out. My fairy wings have begun to shrivel from the heat and my soul needs to see some peace and light. I need to focus on the things I need, and the longing in my heart and soul waiting to find words.
Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard. ~Anne Sexton