Today I have been stumbling around the blogsphere, looking at some blogs I haven’t seen before, always trying to find something new. I have also been experimenting over the past month with new things but have not found what is missing. I suspect it is not to be found by opening a new space or decorating in new colors.
The other night I realized how much I need space or perhaps a vacation to just be with my thoughts and nothing else. It has been so long and I feel a bit of myself out there wandering, not quite knowing how to get it together. Writing has started, though slowly and I feel the bits and pieces of a story slowly unfolding in me. Along with that I am trying to revamp my blogs to bring them back to what they used to be, at least in some ways. Perhaps it is just gathering up what is good and starting in that direction again.
Blog burnout has visited me lately, and I am working hard not to let it completely destroy me. My soul is tired from all the games and drama associated with other places and I have at least succeeded in removing myself from the cause. I have redesigned my spaces there as well, moving back to the old days and the old me, and I am determined not to let anything disruptive into that space. When I came to the blog world it was to find a place to express my thoughts and to share the experiences I was having. I was able to do that in a relaxed and uncharacteristic open fashion. I hope to continue to do this though I have closed up a bit due to the recent events elsewhere. There is much I would like to say to move forward but I find myself as always unable to put down those thoughts. I was raised to say something nice or nothing at all, an unhealthy teaching that only keeps one from expressing frustration and anger in order to clear the air.
My soul is working hard right now, the last couple of days filled with an ache and a longing so strong it required much belief in what I have seen and experienced. Some days I need to shout, some days cry. A big part of me needs to move on and seek the things my heart longs for, while another part of me holds back. Perhaps it is just the full moon visit causing this ache and this restless soul. As it wanes I may find myself once again in a place of contentment. Maybe it is the passing of time as I watch the days slip by so quickly. Time does not wait for us to find the right moment for things.
The day is beautiful and I will take myself for a stroll to the lake. The water is always good for inspiration and ideas and quite frankly, I need the exercise.