Tonight is quiet, one of those nights before an impending snowstorm. The stars are out for the first time in a few days and I hope to get a look at the moon before it sneaks back under the clouds. It is a powerful moon, a blue moon, and I feel her presence whether seen or not.
The week has been slow, spent listening to melancholy violin and nurturing a mood I now realize was the result of a seasonal bug. Tonight the music is less melancholy and I am planning my outside holiday lights. Yes I should have made the effort when it was still an unseasonable 66 degrees outside but as is the tradition I will be dangling from a ladder in the bitter cold. I could forgo the lights altogether but for reasons I cannot explain I need them this year. It is part of my renewed spirit as I look forward to the beginning of the Yule season. This year the Winter Solstice comes complete with a full moon. One could hardly ask for more. It will be quiet season this year as only my brother, my youngest son and I will gather over the traditional Christmas holiday. Though I find myself overcome at times with memories, I think the time to embrace the season in my own way will be enough.
These have been times of change these past few months. Some has been spent getting to know myself . I do not celebrate the Christian holiday, though I still love angels. I do not know why, and I realize some who walk a similar path view them in a less than charitable way. There is a comfort I gather from them and perhaps they are not the angels of Christmas cards but more a spiritual essence. I am my own person and I mix and match as I see fit. It works for me and I suppose it is all that matters at the end of the day.
As long as I have my lights this year I will be happy. The decision on a tree is still out. I loved the tree last year but I was left pretty much to my own devices for most of the holiday season. The idea of wrestling with a real tree is filled with memories of pine sap and itchy limbs. Still, once in place there is nothing quite like it. A cousin suggested I find a cut your own tree lot and I could only smile. We have been out of touch with each other far too long.
Tonight, if I can stay awake, I hope to sit with the moon, visible or not. I will be surrounded by my candles as lighting, be it candles or other seems to be so much a part of me. Wrapped in my sari, yes, I finally learned how to wrap it, I will speak with moon, the Lady and maybe the angels as well. I am going forward filling my path with things I need. I think it is about time.